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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Khan's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
11:37 pm
liminality
An end to the beginning of yet another cycle of Time
Understanding the misgivings of a world without shame
Selflessness fashioned by desires and simple needs
Sunday, March 7th, 2004
6:09 am
tainted with the blood of sacrifice,
an altar made azure bright,
understanding lost in ages past,
believing a mystic cast in sin,
the world will become still,
all that you have none,
is nothing that you understand,
long forgotten dreams,
escaping from your realities,
a system based on your deceit,
of rationality and yourself,
finding all that is lost was once broken,
all that can be found has been forsaken,
your truths meant nothing to nobody,
a subconcious thought,
given rise to beauty within,

~break~

being held in regard
by an elegance of fate
a dismal awakening
holding sway over me
so close to the answer
of loves deepest desire
your absence of touch
a sharp dagger of truth
carved into the rock
of which everything is built.

the break was a break in time and a slight shift of perspective given the inspiration. interest marked.
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
2:28 am
pondering and wandering directing our thoughts
towards the stars you reach for heights nobody dares
to see aiming so high missing the mark
the fall to the bottom becomes only fathomless
without the ability to see what your purpose will be
failing to believe those that forward the clues
unsure of your own aims and baffled by others
life seems nothing but a constant disappointment
languishing behind as the population declines
the options remaining are so few still you refuse
out of open defiance to grasp with both hands
the answer to our understanding
Thursday, December 4th, 2003
12:23 pm
slide
you take me to a place neither of us wish to be
i never wanted to be here again
how could you ever find your way here again
you ask and you cry and you let yourself believe
a whim is not a whim if it comes from within
rationality you seem to forsake like a disease
this cannot end in any way i perceive
spinning through my holes of logic
a blessed curse of insomnia for the soul
withering rejection of deceitful lies
spawned from the lust and security of the explored
pain and fortitude your fancy and prejudice
whats in it for you leads you down your garden path
you lied for his sake and have forsaken your lies
hiding behind the veil of denial i mock myself
bitterness sours the fountain of youth
an ever present desire defacing your pedestal
standing below the outside of your heart
a softness betraying a hint of the facetious
a fool you seek and a fool you are
for the fool that mocks is the fool that sleeps
alone all alone in the storm
alone and betrayed in the heart of the womb
cold and distraught lonely and fraught
with fears of the vultures of self respect
slim pickings cling to your corpse as you slip
sliding down the straight and narrow
linear passages marked by time
further down the arrow
its getting colder and i shall give no quarter
while you continue to slide
Monday, August 4th, 2003
3:33 pm
Things are always different this Time around..
It seems as if things will be different this Time around..
They say everything is different when everyone has changed..
Why are things so different this Time around?
When it all repeats can it be different?
Who would want these things to change?
When it becomes so dark and dense..
Time stands still before your ambition
Seeking control with the truth all around..
When will the answers cease to be given..
Why are there no questions left to be asked?
Who are you that you cannot see that..
It is Time.
Saturday, June 14th, 2003
2:42 pm
following behind the wake of your dreams
knowing and understanding the plight of your heart
your dreams not fulfilled and your heart crying out
there's nothing left but to follow the call
that you hear deep inside,
echoing its way to your lips

it's time to go back to the feelings you've known
it's time to live your life how its meant to be

reach out, reach up and grasp all thats yours
take me by the hand and i'll show you the way
a life of love and understanding of all things
both fanciful and possible will open up to your embrace
let the frailties drop and take me by the hand
once again we can share our love before Time.
Thursday, February 13th, 2003
11:01 pm
SHE HOLDS ME ALIVE
The ideas are strong and the will is here
there is nothing left to give
mistaken paths numb the featureless sky
in your eyes nothing seems to reside
they hold me close, in thrall
lost in your dreams of pain
i'll betray to anyone my feelings for you
preaching my devotion as the only chance for my salvation
is that all there is left to be granted
the last of the true believers
searching in vain for their fellows
with secret signs and nervous smiles
they stumble through the mist
is it you that i see?
is it you, is it she?
who will you make me.
Saturday, December 28th, 2002
12:36 pm
all the words written in these songs
are for the girl i've tormented all along
oversaid but never overdone
the bonds stay clean from our torment
words once said now long forgotten
so unkind those seldom exploited
confusion stemming from a belief in the myth of distance
shrouded in mist its kept from passersby
follow the white rabbit past your own misgivings
forgive your dreams embrace the impractical
the entropy casts a beautiful shadow
seldom law seldom order, He stands to be corrected
an inflection of the beginnings of this cycle
Time stands still as it never has before
consumed by longing, distanced by confusion
extinguishing the flame before it sparks
Monday, September 2nd, 2002
6:40 pm
forever changing, the faces are plain to see
that there is no pain
and no more for you to gain
tonight the wings beat the rain from the sky
of your dreams the signal of heart surrounds
all that you breathe beginning the fast of your
only hope he changes his song for her
gift is the inheritance of hope
longing for a key to transform into fact
he speaks to us as if we were an answer
to all his prayers we humour him with
tales of deceit and a life lost in the pursuit
of all that he believes to be absolute.
6:34 pm
it's hard to let it go when you want it all
falling from grace you grasp for the lightest touch
smallest whimper, deepest dark holds no secrets
of your soul the moon falls out of the sky
crashing through the sewers of your pain
there is nobody left ot blame but your
selfless saviours the lovers of your sanity
to care to be prepared, love shining beyond
the realms of imagination be prepared for
the human race, don't say its ok
don't hum or you'll betray, every inner thought
the millions of unshed tears, bursting dams surround
your aching vision like flies on the wall
thanks for giving me piece of mind
for being the one i stand behind
paths i've chose programmed by machiness
i am nothing but your dream
Sunday, September 1st, 2002
10:01 pm
departing unlike any other
embracing the reasons
indescribable feelings
notions perspiring
the feeling of closing inside you
floating resistance
the perogative to change
well i.. can't stay here and i.. can't feel you
life.. just seems so vacant of breathing
silent but screaming
you fall for what i fight for
you love what i stand for
but .. can't save you
and i .. can't love you
when all .. that you do is waste your time on me

freeze the time it takes to long
face the mist beyond the pain
coming forward nowhere left to retreat
upon the ground you're head over feet
the taste of longing sour and dry
a storm blows through to change your tune
ruffling the feathers of my own doom
briskly tossed away from me
no words come forth to bring you back
comfort lost
my head droops down
have you thrown it all away
one last kiss and you may stay
Saturday, July 6th, 2002
4:14 am
n.m.n.
even though your far away
to me it seems like you never left
even though you feel different now
i worship you like the stars

all these times you've lied to me
cut deeper than the soul
all those times you slept with me
are right there in my mind

to me you are the queen of life
the epitomy of good
to me you are the meaning of life
the reason for it all

i can't help but feel
the longing for your heart
your touch brings me back to earth
keeps me on the path

i cannot fathom the hate that comes
from deep within me
the hate i feel for you
what have you made me?
Sunday, June 30th, 2002
6:26 pm
eternal
what more can he do
it needs to be shown
what comes from the after thought
stems from the ending of all that dares to begin
motions forth to the carriage
light beaming from heavens
he longs to guide his affection to new heights

in the way of the shade the night rolls back
discourging its threats as the knight dies
unbroken lance shows the way to the heart
a blow time eternal reeling forward he falls
steps taken stumbled lines of loves tirade
messages hidden in deeper meaning
its nought for none and all are comforted

the lonely stride forward steady steps
nothing but the longing of peace
he's not one of them now and pace slackens
trapped in a limbo the trapdoor has locked
sinking depper and falling faster going nowhere
time stands still and nothing passes but life
it will not be too late.. infinitas
Friday, June 7th, 2002
2:31 am
once
once .. i knew where i was going
the path was clear and unhindered
i knew the things i needed to know
i knew what i wanted and i was already there

things started to get hazy
walking along the lonely road ..
the people had all disappeared
for previously there were many ..

lost in the hazards, nothing in the way
a clear path, an unobscured view
so why does it trouble me?
without the urgency the desire wilts

what is that i feel
how can it be that i go forward
could it be all a dream
why do i follow you
how is that you came to be
am i just defying fate
why is it that i can't wait
how should i progress from here

there's nothing left for me to bare..
Monday, June 3rd, 2002
1:11 am
the edges are never straight
seldom do they find themselves
connected but forever interwoven
the flow of eternal gratitude stems
not from the nature of things
the structure of their beliefs...
this isn't the feeling i'm longing for
this isn't what i hoped to find..
the life i lead is not the dream i follow
i cannot begin to imagine where things went wrong for me
following the dream of a life not so regimented
the trees sitting in their pools of radiance
beams decidending to lighten the load
forever lost inside the path of righteousness
somewhere along the line the path veered left

blue the colour of the disdainful
underneath the words i can feel coming to me
you stop to breathe a sigh of remorse
i stop to fall to the ground my ears bleeding
i am frightened
the light has been extinguished by the eternal flame
stones piled high form a weight of forgiveness
masking the feelings i have for you
it is there for everyone to see, everyone to deny
the path so unrelenting and understanding
why then the constant penetrating glare
of my eternal despair
Sunday, June 2nd, 2002
1:18 am
Concentrate
focusing on the truth of your beliefs
that you allow yourself to fool
all the demons that rise from hell
to bring reality back to you

watching you wearing my clothes
a burning image planted in my eyes
clouding all the things i perceive
knowing what this vision means to me

an unholy alliance of pain seeps through
the ecstacy i've known while confused
of the looks coming at me from all
the angles, i'm drifting out to sea

so unbelievably lost the horizons open
forests engulfing the skies domain
reading your laws and knowing your truth
losing myself to ensure i will remain

being pulled down so fast from the horse
dropping deep into the earth
losing possession of all the faculties
that make me what they want me to be

preaching perversion, living a dream
speak up now before it all ends in tears
my constant is the ground you walk
the only friend i could ever bare

music flooding in from all directions
past a myth of flightless words
holding me firm with just a glance
this time i'll concentrate
Monday, May 6th, 2002
8:07 pm
II
to a life not yet lived the world seems so large
but to a love not yet known the world seems so vast
to a dream not yet realised there is naught to know
but to a life much known, avenues immense
understand a need to recompense
many of the things some believe we should regret
their beliefs are not their goals
watching history flow into myth

the texture of our dreams guiding the light of day
her eyes burning bright though blurred is the way
satisfaction gained in nothing but a smile
from a stranger in the street or a lover down the aisle
the orientation of dreams understood by the world
ignored by the masses confused by the few
who deem to dwell in the romance of fiction
and dare to notice the beauty of all things

darkness comes to all that will shine
darkness stays with all that would hide
a brighter shade of blue belongs
to all that look upon the rain forlorn
cleans and renew the path you walk
change your views when you need to talk
nothing contains anguish and pain
against illusions you will fight in vain
fear not that which you can't see
love is all there truly is.
Sunday, March 24th, 2002
9:28 pm
Nothing and Everything
feeling like i slept all day
wintering the world away
believing life has gone astray
wondering what happened to the light of day
life's blood draining in one long warm draught
night drawing in as the pain sets in
coupled with the fear of what might have been
marred by the hopelessness of regret
this is all that you can get
guilt, hate, lust, love
now its to cue the doves

please just don't deceive me

an understanding amongst friends
an unspoken epic between lovers
the dreams of a generation
one key to unlock all things
time unravels the tales of belief
halting a story ending in grief
contrasting values are offered to the night
the doves are soon lost from sight
accessories in a myth of my life
seemingly lost in false strife
lost to me, it seems to be
we are young, a time of endless fun
the question left what have i become

blind path .. longing light .. time eternal .. understanding life .. distant belief .. passion control .. entrapment failure .. trespass condition .. doubt hope .. despair fear .. heart harlot .. longing loathing .. rapture fleeting.
Tuesday, March 19th, 2002
12:02 am
It's dark in here, so very very dark.
darkness
descending down
drowning the sound
of your sweet breath
on my wet skin
sinking in
the fire within
insatiable
unquenchable
indispensable
fuels the hate
ignites the flame
pumps the blood
to the broken heart
how to start
over again
ignore the pain
with nothing to gain
all is lost
at minimal cost
waiting for light
keeping it bright
enabled to see
whats lost to me
feelings so negative
trying to give
back the pleasure once tasted
of a love more than faded
of dreams long forgotten
a civilization broken
a love long lost
still waiting
Monday, March 18th, 2002
1:34 am
i need you to feel this
feeling the way i do i cannot help but to dream the way i do
seeing you a latent wish a dream unfulfilled
scared to believe in what could never be

fantasy peaking from behind the curtain

your cries of help dying at my feet
stumbling forward to be your saving angel
tripping over the love i could be
trying to stand tall amidst defeat
fighting the bonds holding me
breathing deep for you to see
all the pain that i try to hide from the feelings deep inside
burning passions flames gone out

torches surround your glowing frame
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